Is Your Child Overscheduled?
You might think this is a funny topic coming from an art teacher. But the truth is, after teaching thousands of children through my art classes and homeschooling my own two children, I learned to recognize when children are overscheduled. At one point, I too fell into the scheduling trap. Whether you’re a parent or a teacher, I hope you find this article helpful. If you’ve ever wondered whether your child is doing too much, keep reading. I’ll share what I learned the hard way, along with practical tips from Sumit Kapoor, founder of LyfSkills, on spotting the signs and finding balance.
One of the parents whose children used to be in my art classes is now a client I coach regularly on parenting topics. We recently had a heart-to-heart conversation about her inability to say no to new and exciting activities for her family. She shared how fatigued she and her girls were feeling.
She and I have something in common: both of our children are two and a half years apart, so I could definitely relate. I confided in her about my own struggles with this. In fact, it’s something many parents suffer from in silence and don’t share with their close parent community for fear of being judged. So I’m sharing my story here.
There was a period when both my children were doing way too many activities, and I was a burned-out parent. I noticed my children’s dread of getting out the door and loaded into the car. I noticed I was interrupting their time in creative flow or genuine relaxation, usually asking them to stop what they were doing to meet a rigorous schedule.
At one point, my daughter was in Girl Scouts, ballet, a co-op science club, and drama, while her little brother was in karate and hip-hop dance. Add to that park day gatherings, amazing field trips to museums and attractions, and regular playdate invitations. I remember feeling overwhelmed packing snacks, shuffling the kids into the car, and gathering their bags, activity clothes, shoes, and anything else they needed that day. Oh, and they also attended my art classes! I was constantly keeping them busy.
It all started with me wanting my children to get the best education and exposure to the finest classes and a cultured lifestyle. I did have the best intentions when we started out.
Something interesting about being a homeschooling family is the funny comments you hear from others, like, “Are your children socialized, since they don’t attend school?” The truth is, homeschooled children don’t usually have that problem unless you live in a very rural area, and in that case you might have to work at it. But normally it’s the opposite. My kids were overly socialized.
The truth is, it can become overstimulating for the whole family. And if you have a little people-pleaser in you like I did, you will eventually burn out. From time to time, my son showed signs of stress, and I didn’t make the connection early on. He threw lots of tantrums when it was time to get out the door and into the car, especially if it interrupted something he was doing.
The Little Boy Who Helped Me See My Son
While all this was going on, I was running my home-based art studio, with lots of children visiting twice a week. I finally had my realization by watching a family who attended my sessions go through the same thing.
I recall one family with three siblings taking my art classes: two girls and one boy. The boy in particular was giving me a really hard time and couldn’t focus on doing any of the art lessons. Some days he would say, “I hate art class.” I didn’t understand that. Why would he be in this class if he hated it? Some days I would send him to my backyard to play with my dog so he wouldn’t interrupt the art session for the other students.
I did notice he would regulate and become calm by playing in the backyard. One day during our art session, the older sister proudly explained her family’s schedule. “We are all gifted students at our school,” she said, “and my mother has all of us taking classes right after school every day.” She listed all the after-school activities they attended. Then another student in the same class spoke up: “Yeah, her mom signed them all up for your art class when my mom told her I was taking drawing lessons.” That’s when I realized the children in that family had never said they wanted drawing classes. Their mom wanted them to have the same competitive edge as the other gifted student in my art class.
I didn’t judge that mom. I understood her completely, because I was doing the same thing.
Watching that little boy, I finally saw my own son. The boy who fell apart in my art class and calmed down the minute he was free to play outside was showing me exactly what my son was showing me at our front door. His tantrums weren’t about being difficult. He was a tired little boy who had been pulled away from the one thing he needed most: time to just be.
I realized I had chosen most of my kids’ activities for them. Yes, they wanted these classes at first, but eventually I was the one thinking: to get into the Nutcracker ballet performance, my daughter had to be a regular student, and for my son to earn his black belt, he had to go through several levels of classes just to qualify. The truth is, my kids were overscheduled, just like that family.
Bringing Balance to Your Schedule
I started to think back to the years before all the activities, when we were more relaxed. When my kids were young, I protected their time.
Our schedule was simple. We went out only twice a week: to the library, and to the park for our regular meetups with other kids. We kept field trips to about once a month. But as they got older, the invitations started coming in, and before we knew it, we were hustling from activity to activity.
How I finally brought balance to our home was by choosing seasons for activities. I told my daughter that since her brother had tagged along to Girl Scouts all those years, it was his turn to do an activity, and she would tag along. The following year, she would return to ballet, and we would focus on her classes and performances. That eliminated the rushing around and even saved my budget!
Here’s what surprised me most: my kids didn’t mind at all. They didn’t miss the classes, and they didn’t complain about taking things slower. I was the one who had been worried about them missing out, not them.
And those big goals, like the Nutcracker and the black belt? They didn’t disappear. The classes were still there when it was each child’s turn again. We weren’t giving anything up. We were just choosing a different season for it.
Why Free Time Matters (From an Art Teacher)
After years of teaching children art, I can tell you the best creative work doesn’t happen when a child is rushed. It happens when they have time to get lost in what they’re doing. When I kept interrupting my kids’ play to get them out the door, I was cutting off the very thing I was trying to give them through all those classes. Unscheduled time at home isn’t wasted time. It’s where children get curious, make things, and figure out what they love.
I no longer felt like my kids were missing out. We did one field trip a month, one child’s activity per season, and lots of staying home without being rushed. It took time to get into that rhythm, but eventually I proudly said no to a lot of events. If there was something I had FOMO about or was really bummed to miss, we would do it on our own as a family.
When I shared all of this with my client, something clicked for her. She realized she could say no more often, and that saying no didn’t mean her girls were missing out. The classes and opportunities would still be there later. She was simply choosing a better time for them.
How to Approach Choosing Extra Activities
As promised, here’s my conversation with Sumit Kapoor. LyfSkills helps families in India find the right classes for their children, but families everywhere wrestle with the same questions, and when I read his answers, I saw my own story in them.
I asked him a few questions and whether he could share some advice for families choosing after-school activities.
1. What should parents consider when choosing activities for their children?
I would begin with the child, not the activity. Interest matters, but so do the child’s age, temperament, energy level, the teacher’s approach and how the class fits into the family’s week. A trial class can tell parents far more than a brochure. I would observe whether the child feels comfortable, whether the teacher is able to engage them and whether the experience leaves the child curious to return. Even an excellent class may not be the right choice if attending it makes every evening stressful.
2. What are some signs that a child may be doing too many activities?
The signs often appear outside the class. Repeated resistance, irritability, tiredness, changes in sleep, rushed meals or homework, and the disappearance of unstructured play are useful signals. Occasional reluctance is normal, so I would look for a pattern rather than judge one difficult day. When a child stops talking about what they are learning and begins talking only about having to go somewhere, the schedule may have become too full.
3. How can parents balance structured activities with free time and play?
I would protect free time before filling the calendar. Sleep, schoolwork, relaxed meals and open play should be treated as real commitments, not as the time left over after classes. One or two activities that the child genuinely enjoys are often more valuable than a week packed with options. Free play is not an empty gap in a child’s development. It is often where children process what they have learned and decide what interests them.
4. What advice would you give parents who want their children to explore different interests without overscheduling them?
Let children explore interests one after another rather than all at once. A short trial period gives a child enough time to move beyond the awkwardness of the first class without committing the family to a crowded schedule. After a few sessions, I would ask what they enjoyed, what felt difficult and whether they would like to continue. The goal is discovery, not early specialisation. Parents can expose a child to many interests over a year without asking them to pursue everything in the same week.
When I read Sumit’s answer about the signs, I thought of my son at the front door. Repeated resistance and no time for unstructured play: that was our house. And his advice to explore interests “one after another rather than all at once” is exactly what our seasons did for us.
Try This This Week
If any of this sounds familiar, here’s where I’d start:
- Write down every activity your family has in a typical week, including playdates and field trips.
- Watch for the signs Sumit describes. Is there a pattern of resistance, tiredness, or tears at the door?
- Ask each child which one or two activities they would keep if they could only choose a few. Their answers may surprise you.
- Choose one activity per season. Remember, the other classes will still be there later.
- Protect at least one full day with nowhere to go.
You don’t have to fix it all at once. Saying no to one thing is a good beginning.
Connect with Sumit Kapoor
Founder, LyfSkills
Explore kids’ activities: https://discover.lyfskills.com/kids-activities-near-me
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